Understand what difficult people are really trying to tell you through their craziness. What are they really telling you and why? MUST KNOW.
Have you ever come into contact with difficult people? I have stood in many lineups or have been at the airport and seen the person at the front of the line just freak out. I was at the airport recently and I was there in the line for about an hour to an hour and a half and I rocked up early to make sure I was checking on time and because the computer systems were a bit slow they were taking a long, long time to process. I got the call out to skip to the front of the line with a few other people who were stuck in the line too and this lady was going crazy at us. She was yelling at us and telling everyone that she had got to the airport hours before hand and it was our fault because apparently we were all out eating food and she was going crazy it was like a scene out of the Jerry Springer Show. It really made me think about how do you deal with difficult people like that especially if you are in a customer service field? We all have to deal with people in some shape or form in our job and it may be dealing with people through computer systems but we still need to deal with people in some way, we all have bosses, we have employees or whoever it is we need to deal with in a day.
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It is important to understand that when you are dealing with difficult people, what are they really trying to get? We all have the same drivers. We all want to be loved, adored and accepted. We all want to connect with one another. We also need to feel safe and secure in who we are and what we are doing. If the roof was about to fall on my head right now I would feel completely unsafe, we all have that need to feel safe. We also all really have a need to grow and develop and help each other out, so we all have similar drivers and we all have similar fears.
When understanding a difficult person it’s important to understand what they are actually trying to get from being difficult. Some people create love and connection where they are just happy, they are vibrant people, so they naturally attract good positive happy and energetic people. Then some other people have realised that maybe that is just not them, maybe they can’t be loved and have that self love and self worth in themselves so their way of getting connection with other people is by being aggressive, by cutting others down, by telling other people they are wrong because even when they do that in some way they are connecting with them.
If I walked out on the street and I yelled at someone, I am still connecting with them, it’s not in the same way as if I walked out there and I said how great they are doing but they are still connecting. Because we all need to feel that connection and we all need to feel that love, we all need to feel that excitement and feel safe, just different people do it in different ways.
Normally when I am dealing with someone who is really difficult and there are lots of people out there because we are all connected on the world wide web now where people are accessing our content or they are accessing our social media pages or whatever it is. We can have people just wanting to abuse us just because they don’t even know us or because they don’t like something we said or they disagree with us. What I think about is what are they really trying to get?
Are they trying to connect with us? Are they just trying to connect with people? Do they feel lonely? Do they feel lost? Do they feel like they don’t know who they are or feel trapped in their own lives? Do they go to this mundane job that they hate everyday where they come home and they are angry and jaded because the boss takes advantage of them and they’re working so hard and they are not getting anywhere in life. They get home and they are angry so they switch on social media because no one is listening to them throughout the day so the way that they get other people to listen to them is is they get on and they start abusing people on social media or they start telling others that they are wrong and all a sudden they feel like they have their power back again. They feel that they are connecting and they have got their strength back which they didn’t have at work during the day. So it could be something like that, or it could just be that they feel lost and lonely and don’t know how to connect so they reach out to people with their problems and pains and connect with them so they get people to tell them that life is going to be ok. Sometimes people who are really, really difficult to deal with as well just want that attention, they feel like they are not heard so they just want to be heard.
Some people just crave for the attention and they don’t know how to do it in a positive way. They may feel like if they really went out there and followed their dreams that they may fail and because of that they have this huge amount of fear so instead of overcoming that fear and having that courage they attack other people who are following their dreams. It is that tall poppy syndrome where if someone is doing too well and we don’t like that then we got there and chop their legs down because they shouldn’t be succeeding and they shouldn’t be a achieving because I should be doing better than them.
I see this all the time especially around the world in my industry with speakers and people who are passionate about what they do and health experts out there who have achieved great health yet they haven’t gone to university to get a degree about it but they have learnt from so many and other amazing people. Then others feel that they have this self entitlement that maybe that they have studied more maybe they know more so I’ll go and cut down these other people because they think they should be up there and others shouldn’t be. So there is this constant attack yet all they’re really trying to do is be heard and show that they are strong and that’s ok.
It’s important to understand that when someone is being difficult when somebody is trying to get that attention, sometimes it is better to ask them questions instead of engaging in their bad behaviour. Engage with them in a positive way by asking them questions and project to them that they are being heard but you are not going to engage them in this negative energy. You are going to ask them questions to find the answers to their own problems, to show them that they are in pain, to show them that they are angry, to show them that their life is becoming so negative,jaded, angry, frustrated, annoyed and pissed off. They are the people who are feeling it.
In order for me to be angry at someone else, I have to feel that anger and in order for me to be happy at other people, I need to be happy, so happy people become happier while negative people become more disconnected from their emotions and disconnect from themselves and the world around them. That is where we see addictions or just people disconnecting for example they will come home and flick on the television and enter into someone elses reality rather than their own.
Next time you deal with negative people, think about what are they really trying to get? Are they trying to get connection or do they just want to be heard? Do they feel like they are not being heard enough and how can you inspire them to be better in who they are? Some people we really just need to cut off and get rid of out of our lives or block them on our social media pages because some people are just arseholes. They are not arseholes deep down inside, deep down inside they are great people and I truly believe that. I truly believe everyone is great and everybody is an honest loving person but sometimes some people have really bad beliefts and they don’t want to change them, they are the people who need to be disconnected. Besides that how can we maybe say something that may change their lives? How can we say something that may inspire them to want to improve? We all have those negative times in our life sometimes and it may have been just one conversation we had, or one question that we have been asked that helped us change. I remember one day I was talking to someone and he was saying everything was amazing and telling me about his millions of dollars worth of cars and the tens of millions of dollars of property he had and so on and my questions to him were, “What is the purpose of your life? Why do you exist?
Why are you here and what are your natural talents?”
And this person started crying and this was a very successful businessman with hundreds of millions of dollars. It was probably the one conversation and questions that he was never asked questions but it could be the one that changed his life forever. So you never ever know what a good question will do to help others to change their path.
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