Have you ever felt that nasty, nasty feeling, a feeling like someone else is judging or criticising you for the wrong reasons?
I’m consistently asked in my seminars or events or on “Ask The Mojo Master,” or whatever it is, about how to break through judgement and how to break through that fear of being judged.
The common patterns that I find are normally those who judge others harshly, judge themselves even more. Knowing that really made a lot of sense to me and allowed me to understand the psychology of why someone would judge me without even knowing me or why someone would judge me so harshly and criticise me.
There is a difference between telling someone that maybe they might not be doing something right and encouraging them at the same time, compared to just trying to bring somebody down because you dislike them or you dislike like their attitude or you dislike their personality or maybe you dislike that they are having some success and you’re not. Who knows why we judge each other, I guess in some way and some shape and form we all do it in some way but how do we break free from that really critical judgement that really hurts us – the stuff that is really unfair. It happens a lot these days with being interconnected on the world wide web when people don’t even know who we are. We might have friends on the other side of the world who we call friends but they are not really our friends because they have never met us, so we can be judged and criticised so harshly.
To break through that, my belief is that you need to know yourself first. In order to know yourself first, you need to put up this force field and energy around you so that it blocks of all of that crap that comes in from the outside world. The first thing that you must do is know yourself, know who you are as a person, know your talents, know your gifts, know why you here and really take some time to think about your life.
We live in this hectic busy world where everybody is busy. I met a person one day who didn’t have a job and he was telling me how busy he was and I believe that we are all busy just because we are in this age where we can walk anywhere and we have a phone where we can do work or we are getting text messages or we are getting phone calls, we are getting e-mails and we are getting all these pop up messages from social media from people trying to start conversations with us. We are in this busy world where everybody is trying to grab out attention but unless you know yourself you can get caught up in that so, so quickly.
But going back to the judgement and how to break through judgement, in order to know yourself you need to have some time away from that. Just some thinking time where you can take a step back and ask yourself the question, “Who am I? What am I really here for? What am I doing? What are my natural talents? What are my natural gifts?” The things that come naturally to me that I may have had to work to develop them but I always had that talent.
So for me, I remember one of the most powerful times in my life was also one of the saddest when my best friend’s 3-year-old niece was killed in a car accident. I watched this little coffin going into the ground and I asked myself the question, “What is the purpose of life?” “Why am I here?” “Why do I exist?” “What are my natural talents and my traits?” At school, I was told I was going to get nowhere in life because I had learning difficulties and I really struggled in the standard schooling and learning environment and because of that I honestly thought that I was worthless. That point in time really made me start to question what it was that I was trying to create in the world. I knew that every one of us was special in some way, shape or form but I didn’t really know what my way was or how I was going to implement and do the things that I needed to do with my life. Because of that, I went on this search for a couple of years asking that question over and over again, “What is the purpose of life?” “Why am I here?” “Why do I exist?” and “What are my natural talents?” What I came up with was that I really enjoyed helping people and because of that it made me ask the question “How do I do that?” “What are the natural talents and the natural gifts that I have always had?
I remember growing up as a child and I used to get called “Chatter Mouth” because my mouth never stops talking and I was given my report cards from my mum and I looked through them and every one of them from reception to the time I finished school said, “Michael talks too much.” I realised one of my natural talents was talking. Who would have thought I could have made a career out of talking? Then after that I realised another one was, connecting with people and that has allowed me to live the career path that I am on now as I love to talk and connect with people, I get to make people happy, inspire them and help them live a greater life because nothing upsets me more than seeing other people upset and stuck by not really moving in the direction that they want to go.
After I came up with my natural talents, it really put me on this focused guide and guided me in life to create what I am doing now. That’s why I have the energy I have, that is why I have the motivation that I have, that is why I have the goals that I have and the vision that I have. All of a sudden everything started to align and it made so much sense. I knew who I was, and I knew what I was here to do and it was one of the most empowering times of my life even though it was one of the saddest which started everything.
Take some time to think about who you are as a person. What are your natural talents? Not the things that you have really had to struggle and work hard for. I mean for me I have learnt how to use computers and technology but that is not something that I am passionate about. I don’t go to bed and think about technology, I go to bed and think about connecting with other people and talking, I don’t know if anyone else does that, it might be a bit crazy! It is the thing that inspires me to grow and keep learning and keep adapting and developing. Take that time away from your normal environment because once you find that, it will ground you and you will feel strong and certain about who you are and what you need to do in life.
When other people throw harsh judgement at you, you will know exactly who you are, you will know exactly your intentions and where you’re going in life and those judgements will just bounce off you and you feel really really good about who you are. You will actually feel really bad for them about judging you and criticizing you. You may even feel compassion for them because imagine being the person that goes around every day and criticizes and judges and tries to bring other people down. Are they really bringing in lots of great things in their life? Or are they really upset and hurting inside and sad? I think that anyone who tries to bring down other people or who continually criticises others is sad. They are living in a bad place and they really need to be inspired to find out who they are as well because good people help to bring other people up, negative people just seem to bring other people down around them and eventually it is going to affect them in a negative way.
So know yourself, take the time out to really find out who you are because it will help you so much with people judging you and people criticising you because it is going to happen and it is going to keep happening, but once you know who you are that will just bounce off you and you will feel great every day.
The other thing is that once you know yourself you need to love yourself and love who you are. Now for guys, I shouldn’t say just guys because that’s a gross generalisation, but a lot of guys in Australia there is this blokey bloke thing where we do not express this word called love, not too often anyway. But love really is the positive energy, I truly believe that there are two emotions one of them is love and one of them is fear and all other emotions are built on those emotions.
It could be happiness, it could be joy, but once you have got that inside of your body you have that gratitude feeling that you can just bring up at any point in time. If you look around on a bad day and say “I am so grateful I have these things in my life and I am so grateful and I am so happy to be where I am now and I have overcome all these things in the past. When you find that love and that energy inside of you it will make you feel great and it will project out onto other people and you will also start attracting other great people into your life as well. That is why it is so important to love yourself and love who you are. Love your imperfections and your flaws, if you can call it that. I don’t really believe that anybody has flaws or imperfections, we are all just a little bit different, so love yourself.
The final thing is, don’t try to be everything to everybody because when you try to be everything to everybody else and when you try to be something that you are not then you lose yourself forever. In this day and age with this social connectivity, I just see that so many people are trying to fit in that they are becoming everything that they are not in order to feel like they are fitting in and feel like they are connected but the truth is they are losing the one thing that is important in their life which is themselves.
It’s time to really step up and find out who we are what we are doing in life and really stand out. Leave behind all the past things that you were told that you should be whether it was from your teachers, from your parents, from your mum, your dad, your sisters, your brothers, or friends around you who have told you that you should be this or you had to do this. Let go of all this stuff and find who you really are as a person. Once you do, you will start loving you and you will start creating a great life and once you do that, judgement has no place anymore.
It’s your time to thrive!
Learn – Love – Live with Mojo!