5 Reasons You Put Everyone First
It is easy, especially if you are the main caregiver in your family or household, to get into the habit of putting others first before you. But why do we do it and how is it affecting our own happiness and emotional states?
Often those who continually put others first will eventually become resentful, feel unsupported, unloved, stressed, frustrated and feel disconnected from loved ones. It’s important to realise why you are putting others first to avoid future unhappiness and recognise how to change your behavior in a way that benefits you and those around you.
Here are the 5 top reasons people put other’s first
Helping others is a big way that those who continually put others first connect with people around them. Connection is one of the 6 main human needs that people seek. When this can start becoming a problem is when you begin to resent it and feel like the burden is always on you. This is when you are losing the connection aspect and need to find another positive way to connect with those around you. Also when those around you are noticeably expecting you do things for them or taking advantage of your kindness – it’s time to take a step back and change.
Another human need, which all humans seek, is significance –that feeling of being important, being recognised and gaining attention. Often in doing things for others it comes with the satisfaction of being thanked or complimented which provides a feel good element for you.
3. Lack of self worth
Constantly doing things for others is also a sign of a lack of self worth. If you don’t value yourself you will live someone else’s life and someone else’s values. It’s a sign you don’t value your own self enough and value everyone else’s opinions and decisions over yours. You may also find that you are easily led and happy to go along with what others want rather than make your own decisions.
In line with no self worth is having no goals of your own to focus on so you naturally distract yourself with what others are doing, their goals and hence want to help them on their journey. This is ok for a while if you are actively seeking your own purpose and goals in the meantime, but if you aren’t doing this you will soon become resentful and feel like you are wasting your life doing everything for others. If you want to get clear on your own goals, consider attending an event that helps you get clarity around you want and takes you through how to set goals properly. That is why we run events like The Big Bang Tour, as it helps give people clarity on what they want and guides them to take action and achieve.
Guilt is a big driver of putting others first. You tend to do this when you don’t want to upset others or don’t want to be seen in a bad light. As a result you end up putting others first but feel guilty about it, as you often didn’t want to do it in the first place. Family are common one’s that use guilt to encourage action. If in putting others first you commonly say “I better do this” or “ I should” then you are probably doing it out of guilt.
An important question you need to ask yourself is “How do I feel when I put everyone first?” or “How do I feel when I prioritise others over myself?” If you come up with more answers that you consider negative then it’s time to start focusing on you and to find yourself.
Start reading personal development books, join groups, attend seminars and work on you to discover what you want, what makes you happy and how to create the emotional strength you need to feel confident doing things for you.